15 November 2011

1 Step Forward, 2 Steps Back

(3 steps forward, and so on...)

I feel like posting when I'm not in the best of moods is a disservice to readers.  Like, who wants to hear about the goddammit and the arrrgh and the wtf moments of someone else's life?  But, then I realized that A. this is my blog and B. keeping all of my frustrations in is a disservice to myself and C. I gots to keep it real.  I'm not here to paint a picture of a perfect life.  I'm here to post some cool shit I've found or made, share it with you and hope that you share back.

So, in an attempt to be honest, I'm going to put it out there... THIS JEWELRY MAKING BUSINESS IS HARD AND OVERWHELMING at times.  And to be super, SUPER honest, my goal here is to chronicle the building of a business that will (WILL) turn into something beautiful that I've created, with hard work, passion and more hard work. There are moments when I am so filled with excitement over a new idea or the possibilities of selling wholesale to some cool, local shop, I can't sit still or sleep...Literally, so giddy that I could throw up.  (Is it that weird to be that excited over some beads...?)  THEN, there are times where I feel so dizzy with what direction to go in, I just stop mid-bead, turn off the lights in my studio and say "efff it" and go to bed.

My mind is races with ideas, bombarding my neurons with so much information and questions and for some reason I cannot seem to prioritize when it comes to managing my own business.  From setting up correct business licenses, to creating new, original, inspired, WELL-CRAFTED products, to spreading the word, to searching for inspiration, to making sure my descriptions are accurate, to supporting other bloggers and crafters, to supporting myself (financially), to sleeping, to eating, to being there for my friends and family, to staying happy and healthy, smiling and laughing.  DANG.

I am beginning to see what I hear others refer to when speaking about their own businesses.  The line between work and life gets really blurry.  You never "leave" the office and you never really shut your brain off to possibilities of what you can accomplish/shit you need to do.  But, at some point, I think I need to realize that this business does not define me.  Having a phenomenal accessories business, while drowning in everything else isn't worth it...as much as I want said phenomenal business.

So to wrap things up quite abruptly, I'm going to have to figure out this whole balance thing.  I have no intentions of stepping back from onthelookout, really, but something's got to give.  Maybe I need to be more decisive.  Maybe I need more focus.  Maybe I need to have just a little more confidence in my product and what I am putting out there.  As it so happens, second-guessing whether or not people are going to like your stuff is a HUGE time waster and energy-drainer.  I love the things I create and I work tirelessly to ensure that they are the highest quality I can produce; And the best I can do, is all I can do.  My inner nay-sayer needs to get on the bandwagon or shut the hell up.

This, like anything important, is a process.  If I don't have a Holiday collection out in time for the impeding holidays, just let it be.  If I don't have a jewelry update for the masses every Monday, let it be.  That's OK right???  I've got to ride this wave, take note of it's ups and downs and enjoy every moment.  Because, in actuality, I am having the time of my life doing this.

Ahhhh (sigh of relief).  And just so no one is confused, I am a supremely grateful that I even have the opportunity and support form everyone in my life to go out there and live my dream life.  Sometimes rants are necessary to help regain perspective and to start the next moment of your life as fresh as possible.

Thanks for listening.

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